I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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