the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
