You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
