I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
