This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize