Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
