I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
