Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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