I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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