if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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