I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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