Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?