I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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