Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
