oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?