I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
