I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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