So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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