Just cropdusted the office
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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