that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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