Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
