my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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