She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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