I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
