I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
