I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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