I cannot find my penis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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