on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
