Nicole vs. Life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
