what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
