I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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