GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
