why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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