i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
