I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
