playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
