U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
