nut hugger
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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