I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
