Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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