That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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