True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
