The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
