What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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