Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is wine microwaveable?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
