i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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