pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize