What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
