On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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