Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need water and some morals
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
