I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
