I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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