My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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