if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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