ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
