I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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