in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
