whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
