On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
