That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
