its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
