No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
