I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
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