he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
that is very illegal...i love you.
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