Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
