Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
