I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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