Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
