I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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