I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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