1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
