he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
