Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
