I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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