I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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