it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
