He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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