see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
