I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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