I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
