Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
