I'm going to jail i love you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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