I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
